Back to school again

I missed my children severely while they were at their Dad’s for the second half of the holidays. Now they’re back home and at school again, and I am already finding the few hours I see them unbearable lol. I can’t believe how difficult it is to get these kids ready for school in the morning. Even with clothes laid out, breakfast made for them, lunches packed – they still find a way to be late. I think I need a full time helper!

My partner usually leaves for work before we get up, and doesn’t get back until dinner time, so it still feels like I’m a solo parent. Though I have no doubt there are many 2 parent families who still have the same issue. Generally just one parent home. It drives me insane sometimes.

At what age should children be able to get themselves ready for school? I recall getting myself ready for kinder. I didn’t pack my own lunch then, but I would make my bed and get dressed. Then I had to walk to one of the neighbours house to get a lift to kinder. My mum was quite unwell at the time. I don’t think I ever remember being late for school. At least not until I hit high school and I had to catch the bus. I missed that all the time. It could be because I didn’t like school, and I enjoyed the 1-2 hour walk to get there.

I’m far too disorganised for this parenting thing. But I am working on it.

My kids are gone

and I miss them. 

The kids have started spending half school holidays with their dad. In the 2 1/2 years we’ve been separated they’ve always spent school holidays with me. It’s great they get to spend more time with him and all, and when they’re home I often wish for some ‘me’ time, but I miss their little faces. So. Much.

I don’t think o could even imagine what it must be like on the other end of the spectrum. To be without them most of the time. It would be very painful I imagine.

It’s a hard thing to distract yourself from too. When their little things are strewn about the place. The drawing on the walls, the half eaten sandwich behind the couch – the eerie silence can be deafening in itself.

5 more days.

Procrastibaking and what-not

Procrastination. The thief of time and productivity. I should be studying right now. It’s only been about 4 months.
I started making an effort in the last week or so, but things like baking and eating seem to float to the top of my priority pond. This is where studying from home has it’s downfalls. I would love to be able to attend a physical classroom without all the distractions of home.

I have a terrible habit of needing to keep my hands busy when I’m pausing to think about things. Type, type, type – pause – look for food/coffee/phone – type, type – pause – washing machine – fridge (because it’s on the way, of course) – type, type – pause – forgot to make a coffee so put kettle on, forage for food again while kettle’s boiling – type, type – give up.

I’m bored, lonely, hungry, thirsty, tired, .. the list could go on, but – you know. I’ll finish it later. Right now I’m avoiding study by writing this blog post, and trying to decide if I should have another coffee, or more food, or both. Should I fold the washing now so I can put another load on? Start looking for jobs? Draw the house plans for my dream home? Or, should I just get back to studying?.. Decisions..

New towns, school mums and moths

I knew that moving to a whole new town would mean having to make new acquaintances all over again. Not that had a great deal where I originally was anyway, but still. We’ve been here 4 months now and I have scarcely spoken more than 3 sentences to a grand total of probably 4 people. All of those people initiated the small talk. I’m not big on small talk. Or big talk. Or talking to anyone really. In fact, the first time I met my partner in private I had about 15 anxiety attacks. It’s okay though, he wasn’t deterred. That’s how I know he’s a goodun.

So the new school year hasn’t brought me any closer to breaking out of my cocoon and becoming the social butterfly that everyone else seems to transform into with such ease. I don’t think I am a butterfly at all, really I’m more like a moth.  The scum of the lepidoptera. Instead of communicating and attracting others with my beautiful appearance, I communicate with high pitched frequency that is inaudible to ‘normal butterflies’, like a polka-dot wasp moth.

It takes a special kind of person to be able to engage me in meaningful conversation. I have this thought, that most normal people must think I am stupid. I don’t blame them though (not entirely), because I can usually see the train wreck of my attempted socialisation in slow-mo as it happens, and can reflect afterwards at the utter stupidity. What I said. The freaked out faces I made..  But I’m not stupid. Anxiety is stupid. And people who think people should just “do it”/”get over it” etc. are the most undersighted of them all.

I went so far, this week, as to reach out on Facebook on a local page to see if there were any Facebook social groups I could join in a bid to try and familiarise myself with the local humanoids. I’m playing it by ear for now. Sitting in the background and observing what conversations unfold, taking mental notes of peoples characters. When school returns after Easter break it will be interesting to see if I can recognise any of these faces among the school grounds. Wish me luck peoples! :/